I went home miffed tonight. Yes "miffed."
verb [ trans. ] (usu. be miffed) informal
annoy : she was slightly miffed at not being invited.
a petty quarrel or fit of pique.
ORIGIN early 17th cent.: perhaps imitative; compare with early modern German muff, an exclamation of disgust.
That's hilarious. I totally didn't think that was a real word, let alone a proper context for it.
I usually get miffed right after I've become a reactionary Jerk.
How do I become a reactionary jerk? What benefit is it to me? None. It's a dirty trick I play on myself that avails nothing but vain mutterings for the rest of the evening. Sometimes even into the next day. I have noticed that I start to become reactionary when I am not in the WORD, or actively contending to spend time with Jesus and/or be as He is.
A similar thing happened last weekend: I ended up miffed again. This time I was miffed at myself, so I went for a walk to find the root of this thing because really I hate myself when I'm like that.
I started to do the thing where I beat myself up in some weird, self-righteous, self-punishment thing. I don't think that's what Paul meant when he said, "beat my body into subjection."
Anyhow, after the pity party I just started quoting scripture over me. Things like, "I must decrease and He must increase," "In these three abide: Faith, Hope, and Love. The greatest of which is love," and lastly, "Be still and know that I AM God." So I waited, and I was still, and I fought my thoughts to be still towards the Lord.
The Holy Spirit then asked me a question. He said, "What is your (my) motivation for helping or ministering to these people?"
The question was weird, and I didn't know how to answer it. Then He asked why I stop ministering and serving and raising up people. That really hit me hard, and got me thinking.
My conclusion was an ugly one.
I have a great gift to see potential in people, to pick out a person's strengths. I can be very good at encouraging. There is nothing wrong with nurturing some one's gifts or potential, the issue is motivation.
What often happens to me is that the people I'm ministering to/mentoring mess up, or step out my plan for them. So I get upset for a little while. Then I get over it, only I never treat the person the same. I quit a little part of them. Not all of them. Not right away. Then if they change my plans for them ...
Let's take a second to analyze my plans for them first. It's ugly too, folks. Sorry.
I believe I manipulate people's potentials in God so they can eventually fulfill my own plans and agendas for things I am too chicken to step out and do before God alone. I'm cultivating potential in people with the hopes that it will potentially serve me. Not all of me, just what ever I'm lacking.
So if said persons step out of that plan or grooming enough, I eventually quit them all together.
How did I come to this conclusion? I base it on the way I treat people that I don't think have much potential. Now, everybody has potential; I know this. I know the verse in Jeremiah that speaks of God's plans for us. However, not everyone has potential towards me.
You can say it: that's just ugly.
So the Lord continued to speak to me and said, "Christ in you is the hope of glory." Then, Holy Spirit breathed back into me the person of Jesus and his life towards Judas Iscariot.
Jesus knew well before Judas kissed Him to a tree that Judas was building hatred and resentment towards him, that he was going to sell Him out. And yet Jesus never changed the position of His heart towards Judas. He still saw Judas the way He had intended Judas to be. He still went to the cross for Judas. He still laid down his life for a man that did not want His life. He never stopped working towards Judas' full potential.
He never stops working towards my potential. He is the only one who can fulfill my potential, my life in Him. It's Christ in me that is the hope of glory. It's Christ.
But, beloved, we are confident of better things concerning you, yes, things that accompany salvation, though we speak in this manner. 10) For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown towards His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister. 11) And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end, 12)that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.I'm not miffed anymore. Now it's just a matter of putting to death those things, and putting on Christ.