Dreams, and seed.

Wow, so my wife and I have have been having some pretty strange dreams lately. She doesn't know about mine yet.

Last night I had 2 very strange dreams back to back preceeded by one of highstrangeness the night before. I will try to elaberate and recall as much as I can about them. Dream one last night, was quiter troubling to me based on the my conduct in the dream.
The Stage: For some unknown reason, we had left our VW rabbit in a parking lot overlooking a city park. when we got to it. We found the car completely decimated.
the soft top had been removed (it was trashed anyways) the engine was gone the window were gone and it was up on blocks with no tires. The odd thing was the body was left in perfect shape unharmed. It looked the shell of a car during production. I remember Lex being ok with it. I however was not an somehow found the need to scream the word "Fuck" as if it would somehow make feel better. This was typical of the way I used to act when I allowed myself to be a victom. Fallowed by me breaking something that I usually owned and actually didn't want broke.

The interesting thing to note that while the emotions felt the same as when I would "Lose it" because I deemed that the circumstances justified the behavior. However no matter how mad I tried to get and how powerful I tried to make the explitive sound......I projected it over and over and over again (that was the troubling part of the dream for me. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks) Some where during the dream it was like I comepletely shutdown. And switched topics in my subconscience. I realized there was nothing I could do to redeem or satisfy the situation.

All of my strength could not bring for justice on my part.